Posted on Plus Sized Horse Chicks Yahoo Group!
To be posted at eye level to the horses of the barn.
(not in any specific order)
1. The barn is your home, the house is mine. Just because I am gracious enough to allow you to graze in the yard that does not mean you get to walk onto the porch to see if I have left anything of your interest there. I love you all but you are just too big to keep in the house. I am sorry but if the door is propped open that does not mean we are having an open house party.
2. Why did I go to all the trouble of building a barn with each of you a stall when you either A) all crowd into one, B) stand out in the rain like dummies, or C) everyone crowds onto the back porch.
3. Speaking of the back porch again, it is not a crossover between one side of the yard to the other side just because you like to hear the sounds your hooves make on the wooden planks.
4. Just because you know where the feed is kept does not allow you to go into the shed looking for it. We keep the barrels secure. Don’t open daddy’s grass seed then sling the bag around because you are upset it was not horse feed.
5. When I pull the truck up to the front of the stalls with bags of shavings does not mean you get to open each one just in case it is food. And don’t think the silly face you make because you now have saw dust on your lips will get you sympathy from me when I have to clean up the mess.
6. I give you snacks that are yummy and gooey and chewy. Do Not think I am going to let you have my candy bar, that is my treat for me.
7. It does no good to smack your lips thinking I will feed any sooner than feeding time. Slamming your feed bucket will also not get you fed any sooner.
8. When I am feeding it does no good to try and crowd me to get your nose into the bucket so you think you will get extra. Go to your own stall and wait till I get there.
9. When I am scratching that wonderful spot that you love, please try not to go to sleep leaning on me. You greatly outweigh me and we are both going to fall. The same goes when the farrier or I are trimming your feet. WE CANNOT HOLD YOU UP!
10. It would also be nice if you could be considerate of where you place your feet when I am bathing or brushing you. When you shift and place yours on top of mine, Do Not look so surprised when I scream and suddenly push you. Especially at the few bad words I say as I hobble toward the house later.
11. Is it really necessary for you to blow up like a puffer fish each time I put the saddle on you? You should know by now I have learned this trick and will walk you around till you blow so I can tighten it up again. Sliding down on your side while riding is not as funny to me as you think.
12. It is not funny to me either when I decide to ride in the pasture that as soon as I let my guard down you see this wonderful patch of grass that just has to be eaten. The sudden stop with me almost on your neck and the saddle horn in my gut is not a laughing matter though you seem to enjoy it at times.
13. Just because I pull one horse out does not mean I want the whole crowd. You all are not Siamese quadruplets joined at some functional body part.
14. Quit teasing daddy by escaping every time he thinks he has the fence fixed right. You know he is new to this horse thing and has to learn!
15. It is not funny to be scared awake at 2am with the window shaking like an earthquake. The air conditioner is not for scratching.
16. While in the yard grazing could you please place your poop more strategically away from the house. Daddy will drag the yard and use the fertilizer you have left but until then pooping by the windows is very inconsiderate.
17. You have a salt block to lick in the pasture, plus mineral blocks. This does not give you the right to stick your head into my vehicle and slobber all over the steering wheel just because I left the window down on a warm day.
18. When I am working on something in the yard while you are out, could you please return the tools that you borrow.
19. Passing gas just as I walk behind you is not an acceptable substitute for the fact that you do not kick.
20. Nibbling on my hair, clothes etc. to get attention may not get the response you expect. Especially when you pull my hair or tear my clothes.
21. Just because the vet has the back of her truck open when she is here, does not mean she needs your help in taking things out for her. I’m pretty sure she knows where the things she needs are located.
22. What is it about finding dirt or mud to roll in right after I get you cleaned up? I mean the pigs get a mud hole because they can’t sweat so it cools them down. But all it does for you is cake in your fur and mane and tail then you gripe and complain when it hurts a little bit when I have to brush it out. THEN YOU DO IT OVER AGAIN!
Now if we could just get the silly things to listen. Hope you enjoy. I know we have about 22 at our house that resembles these comments. Most TBβs with that silly TB sense of humor.