Some friends of mine have started a new site, Girly Gazatte. The site is about how women need to have positive relationships with other women, mostly. They have lots of cool articles about motherhood, fashion and many other things that make you think.

In their kick off week they posted an article about who is in your tribe. (The blog has since been taken down.)

I had left a comment about who I thought was in my tribe. I have a group of ladies that I have devoted a great deal of my time to in the past and I thought they would always be there for me. However, last weekend I had something happen that makes me question that.

I realize that relationships take some nurturing and work. However, I guess I may have not nurtured that relationship as much as I should have in the last year. Our family inherited a business and as any of you know that own a business the first year is often the most trying. So I have not been around for my friends as much as I used to be. Now understand that I had spent 7 years as the leader and resigned a couple of years ago to help raise my step kids. Our family was still quite involved with the group.

Our family helped with a couple of functions a year providing entertainment. Last year they came to me and said they would like to try something different at one function, and I understood. It was business and they needed to be able to pull a crowd. My hubby didn’t understand and took it kinda personal. I discussed this with the group. I chalked this up to male egoism.

Then last week we offered to provide entertainment for the function we did last year and possibly the other one. I sent an email explaining the issue that that we would be giving up a gig at the new business to do these functions. I got no response. Then later in the week got a group email stating that someone else was hired.

I felt confused. On one hand I understand it’s business. On the other hand just one email would have made me feel that they understood and show me the path they wanted to take. I don’t expect to get every gig. I don’t expect much. An email letting me know they received mine and wanted to do something different would have been the nice thing.

Needless to say this really makes me question who is in my tribe? Who has my back? Who will be there when I need something or someone? How much does a tribe need to be nurtured? Do tribes change as you move to different places in your life? Do you need a sub-tribe for work friends, mom friends, fun friends, etc.?

I have never been one to have tons of friends, kinda is part of being a nerdy engineering kinda gal. Most of my tribe growing up and through school were guys. So dealing with a group of ladies has always been interesting, but kinda thought I had made headway. Gives me some new perspective.

So how do you nurture your tribe?

Deb Stowers
Sierra Ranch, LLC
https://sierraranchok.com/
http://sierraranchok.net/

I know I have been out of touch a bit. Had a billion things going on and no time to write. But today gotta get stuff off my chest. Hopefully you have seen the countdown. We are down to 2 weeks and it can’t be soon enough. For both parties. Others might have followed my Twittering (http://twitter.com/sierraranch) and know about what has been happening.

In the mean time things have gone from bad to worse to normal again. Last Sat. (3/21) we got a call that Rick’s dad was in the hospital and not doing well. We needed to be in Agleton TX before the youngest brother got on the plane to go back to NC. The middle brother was flying in later on Sun. So we made a 9 hour driving trip and got to the hospital about 2AM and visited a second. We couldn’t find his house even with the GPS. How many cattle paths can be named Bastrop Drive??? Stayed 4 hours in a hotel, got up and visited with Dick and others at the hospital. We followed a neighbor to his house and went back to wait.

Greg got in about 11PM Sun. They stayed at a hotel. Doctors would not really give us a good time frame for the end. The friends had arranged for Dick to come home on Monday since nothing could really be done. The boys got things worked out on Monday and their dad came home. Several step kids and many friends came by the house to see him. We stayed there with him and the nurse. One set of step kids slept in the downstairs.

Tuesday Dick got quieter and we thought this might be the day, but he held on through another great gathering and the morning. Greg’s daughter got in and said her goodbyes and shortly later the nurse came out and let us know he passed. Dick was diagnosed with lung cancer. As they were looking they found cancer in his bones, spine, lythm system, and who knows where else. He just wanted to die at home and did. He didn’t want to linger and didn’t. The nurses made sure he was comfortable.

Greg was listed at the executor, but wanted to pass this on to Rick since we live closer, so know we get to oversee the disspurment of the estate. Any one want a nice house on the Bastrop Bayou? We have a court date in about a month.

So far we have inherited a no tailed cat named Bob. Allyson is taming him. I think he may have been an inside cat at one time, but he was an outside cat at Dick’s. He is at least nuetered. And he is not a manx. It feels like something cut his tail off. I even snuck Bob into a hotel room to get him home.

We will also be taking over Dick’s gun show business. They boys split up the guns he had, but we currently have all the parts, gun smithing tools, and other stuff. Rick is researching what to do with this. He might actually get to quit work sooner which we would all like. He can see this as a great side business to have with the horse operation.

We went through most of the stuff in the house and have a big job ahead of us, but we will take the challenge. That’s what the oldest do. Middle children are so funny. We got things tied up pretty well and headed out on Thursday evening so that we could be home to get Allyson ready for the prom. Rick told the family that we need to focus on Allyson now that his dad is gone. Everyone agreed. We hope to bring her down with us when we go next.

The whole week that we were in TX the kids were being watch over by our version of a village. Allyson stayed part of the weekend with my Mom. Our neighbor that lives behind us and takes Ashley to work made sure that Allyson got ont he bus every morning before taking Ashley. I called each morning to wake Allyson and got to talk

to her all the way to the bus. She is so funny. Then after school mom made sure they had food. Mom even spent Sunday trying to teach the kids to clean house. (What Fun!) I don’t know that it worked , but after a week of stepping into my shoes, my Mother has much more understanding of what I go through and what works. Now she even understand the count down. LOL!!!

Allyson had fun at the prom. She was taken out to eat at Olive Garden, petted fishes, danced to death, and then went to the after party. Ryan got to go to the after party some and they had fun. It went from rain to snow and by the time I went to pick her up from a friend’s it was snowing buckets.

OMG it is SO NOT suppose to snow like this time of year! For freaking sake it’s SPRING! We got at least four inches and will have the world’s largest muddiest mess, but at least it’s moisture. We needed it so bad. Just this all at once thing is a bit much. What is so funny is seeing the green grass sticking out of the snow. LOL!

Well, I better get to my ratkilling. I am 1100+ emails behind in one email account and 12,000+ behind in another. All my IM stuff is falling behind and I really need to get all the bills and estate stuff up to date. But my desk is a total mess. LOL!

And my cat is mad she doesn’t have place to sit. And just 14 more days until Ashley’s driver’s test. We can’t wait. OK, enough rambling. Must go do something. Not sure what, but something! Now it makes sense that the newsletter for the ranch has not gone out and the million other things I need to do.

Hope you had a quieter week than we have! Hope you have a wonderful next week!

Asley will turn 18 on April 11th, but Monday she will take the test. After this we feel we have done what we can. You don’t want to know waht the next step is with her.

Rick has told me that June 1 he will be full time at the ranch. So this count down is to remind me what are the most important things to be working on.

Hope you have a great week!

February 9, 2008

Dear BGTRC:

Please know this is not taken lightheartedly or without great thought, however I have tendered my resignation as the Executive Director of Bad Girls Trail Riding Club. I am not quitting the club, but have asked the Founders to be placed on the Executive Committee.

No one individual person in the Club has done anything to influence this decision; it is a decision that is being made with careful consideration for everyone involved.

I have finally arrived at the decision that I cannot do everything. While I know that many of our members do not know all that I do or have done for the club, something had to give.

For those that are newer members my paying job is the Lead Engineer for Stormwater Design for the City of Tulsa. I manage all the stormwater design projects for the City. We currently have approximately $50M in funded projects with about half of that total in construction and half in design. We also do emergency response to flooding as well as a variety of other duties. I cannot let my work slip. We are currently being pushed to do more with fewer workers as with most companies. I am down an engineer. And we are being pushed to get several more projects out in much less time. I have two relatively new engineers working for me. Losing our senior engineer to a different job has made it imperative for me to more carefully supervise each project design. Our family depends greatly on my salary and the benefits my job provides. I cannot put this job in jeopardy.

Allyson (Rick’s third daughter) is now a permanent member of our family. While this is a wonderful thing that we have been wanting for a very long time, she is so far behind in school that it is taking much of my attention after work to help her with homework. She is doing wonderfully at bringing up her grades and is adjusting well to living at our house.

In addition, for the next several weeks (and probably months) Rick will be out of town at a job site in Kansas. I need to be at home to help Allyson with things. The one night that I was not at home she didn’t get her homework done. We cannot let her get behind on her school work. Some nights we are up later than I want to be getting all her homework done.

Over the last several years we have been trying to make Sierra Ranch a viable business. This means I need to focus on our ranch websites, and promoting our ranch. It is a possibility that over the next year or so the ranch may become Rick’s full time job. I need to write a business plan and get several other things in order so this can come to fruition. In addition I keep the books which is challenging for an engineer never trained in management or accounting. So I have been trying to learn more in these areas.

Adding the job, BG work, Allyson and all the things that I need to do for our family and ranch leaves me no time to do any of it right – or well. I have been getting behind in billing at the ranch, in registering items in the checkbooks and messing up our accounts, general maintenance on our ranch and updating the ranch and Rick’s websites. This is like having four full time jobs!

And worst of all I want to RIDE!!! I need to ride or do some other physical activity to continue to lose weight and improve my health. This work load leaves no time for me to do any fun stuff! Without any fun one tends to get a bit cranky. But I am an odd bird. I cant’ have fun with so much stuff left to do before I go have fun. So having fun comes last.

I believe everyone in our club can understand my dilemma. I am not quitting the club and I would like to still help with various things. I just can not continue to do the everyday running of the club. And I don’t want my attitude about trying to get everything done to reflect badly on the Club.

I have learned a lot from my time as Executive Director and on the Board of Directors. I have become a better public speaker. I have gotten better at dealing with an unruly crowd. I have learned a great deal about leadership skills and management. These things I value and want to thank the Club for. I may be back sometime in the future; I just need to get Allyson raised and have a bit less stress.

Sincerely,

Deb Stowers

This are a pictures of Bubba from last summer. I have not had time to post, but Bubba was given a reprive from Rick. He will get to stay at our house and is learning to not chew quite so much. And his humans are learning to put things up.

Yesterday was one of THOSE DAYS! I finally get to a point just before Atwoods closed to go to the store. I head out the door to find Rick laying in the drive. Forum had stepped on his foot and knocked him over (whole other story that I didn’t get). He finally got up and I asked him to move his truck so I could leave.

I noticed the wiener dog from across the street chasing Bubba inthe field next door. I didn’t think anything about it until I heard a LOUD yelping noise from out front. It sounded like some dog was hit by a car. I go to see what is going on to find the rotwilder from out front chewing and tossing something that resembled one of my outside cats. I yell at Rick to come help (yeah right!) and ty to find something to pick up to beat the dogs with. The yelling gave the attacked critter enough time to leave and who is the one being eaten. BUBBA! That stinking winer dog chased Bubba to the pack (rot, pit bull, pit bull/boxer mix) who was eating BUBBA! Bubba was trying to get into a wood pile and get away when I gave him the break to run to the house. I chased the stupid dogs to their owner’s trailer. Watched the stupid dogs get back INTO the fence, and stood on my side of the fence shouting words sailers would have been proud of trying to get some fool to come out of the obviously (yes, I looked it up) occupied trailer house. My last words very very much a threat to be folowed through with “When I come back I will have my gun and I will begin shooting dogs starting with the rot!”

My husband didn’t follow me. So when I got back to the house aksed me what I was going to do. He finally talked me out of that, and I called 911. When the wonderful sherrif called back it was determined that in Rogers Co you can let your dog run free, but if it has been determined to be hazardous you can shoot animals that come onto your property as treasspassing. Needless to say we are waiting.

Now I know there are dog lovers that read this and let me be well understood. I have no problem with normal dogs. However, jsut the day before I had taken Bubba to visit the other responsible dogs owners out front, on his leash after he visited without his leash. they told me the rot had chased their son (a teenager) on his bike and bit at the tires. The rot has killed a dog on the on other side of the tracks. Now remember Allyson is maybe 80 pounds soaking wet and alone feeding the horse in the afternoon until I get home. If this stinking pack of dogs has the gaul to maul my dog the most submissive dog in the world then Allyson is next.

I can not keep cat food in the barn becasue these dogs eat the container and the cat food. I have come home and Bubba’s food container has been dragged out of the garage and partially eaten. The rot comes back onto my property he is history. I am an awesome shot. I have NEVER shot anything alive, but will. I don’t take lightly to something trying to eat my animals. Rick is worried about them retaliating. I am not. I dare them to try.

Bubba has quite a few bites. I bought a dog house, dog asprin, and some other things for him at Atwoods. Allyson and I doctored on him some. He has one place that is missing some skin and bleed pretty well, but mostly he is just mising hair and is sore. He got more apsrin this morning, but really didn’t want to go outside. Allyson siad she let him in the house when she got home from school.

Now you know why I never tried to get a conceal and carry permit. I would let my hot temper get me in trouble. What would you do if you walked up on a pack of dogs eating your dog?